Monday, June 10, 2013

Obsession is not a Scent



     It’s our anniversary.  My husband introduced us a year ago today.   You were dark, sleek, and silent.  I didn’t know that feelings like this existed.  With you, I went from my life of   domesticity, to a place of fun and adventure.  I saw a world which was unknown to me just a few short months before. 
      It was freeing to have a conversation with a willing participant.  Even at a party where I knew no one, with you brushed up beside me, I was never alone.
     We were perfect.  Until I started worrying about being caught, this led to the fear of being without you.  From the still waking moments until my lids were heavy with sleep, I continued to obsess about our next moment together.  I became more of an introvert, you were always there for me, why talk to anyone else?  Errands could wait, dinner could be ordered in, the kids could fend for themselves,( but the homework could not be ignored).
     You never complained about me being too frail or too heavy.  Why did I have to choose between you and my family?  Life is so unfair.
     I told you things, and you kept them inside.  You reflected me, yet I never looked away.
     It became unhealthy when I could look no further than your delicate exterior. There could be an ocean with white powdery sand in front of me, and in your presence it all went unnoticed. 
     The question remains, do I come clean and tell my husband, or do I try to break free on my own.  I’m afraid I’m not strong enough.
     It was my six year old daughter that made me realize what I was doing was wrong, and as of today-it’s over.

    Yes, Candy Crush will be deleted from my phone, but what's a mother with an iPhone to do? 
    Me, myself, and i. 
     If I let go, (yes, I’ll consider going back to the no frills flip-phone) will I ever be free?

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