Just Hold It

   There are days that I give myself ample time to look like a responsible mom, self assured, and going about my day tending to the daily duties of my home happily.  And then there is today.
   As I walk the streets the gusty wind takes a random chunk from my hair, pulled back into a tight bun, and makes it dance, but today I am not in the mood for creative expression, so I fight it back down and straiten my librarian glasses.
   My pocketbook is overweight, I curse, having forgotten to leave the sports bottle of Poland Springs in the car.  So between the water, my wallet, and my sinus cold, I am carrying around ten extra pounds.  Today I am not like all the other uber-models running their missions in leather and stilettos.  I am the dumpy nerd in the ripped black coat with a pocket full of soggy Kleenex.
   As horrible as I look today, it's never  reason to be rude, so walking in and out of the grocer, the dry cleaners, and Duane Reade, I hold the door open to others. The reactions I get from strangers and some who are just strange is confusing.  Some people fight to hold the door open, while others just play the bull charging at the sight of red-the open door.  The bulls don't bother me, but as they run me down, I think, would it be so horrible to say "thank you?"
   Bulls seldom do, they also don't smile much.
   Whenever my dad held the door opened at a restaurant, the movies, or a party, it seemed as if a conga line had formed, separating him from mom. "It's okay to hold it open and be polite, but every time we go out, you turn into a doorman."  My mom would joke.  Dad just shrugged, that's what he knew from.  That's how he was brought up.
     It can't even be blamed on Smart Phones. For years before the social faux pas of  cellular there were the drivers that zoomed past you to be the first one to sit at the next red light, the people who were polite enough to use blinkers, and the ones obnoxious enough to steal the parking space you were patiently waiting for.
     I think the main problem is that everyone is focused on their personal 'bubble' life, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm being spoken to because the 'to do list' part of me is on auto-pilot.  Each of us is walking around with our own set of life errands bouncing off other bubbles and oblivious to the little dances and scoots we do along the way. 
     It is so easy for me to become distracted by the silly, futile, insignificant when looking at the bigger picture.  The time I am able to see it best, is when I stop to hold the door for someone else and catch myself.  So my advice to anyone who wants to be in the moment is to stop-and just hold it.